Syrup's Tales.

I only ever post on here to complain…but that’s cool I guess. A place to vent? I suppose so. 

But today I will just say that tonight has proved saddening. You think something (with someone) is going to work out but then it all just comes crashing down. 

I may have been afraid to commit…but it’s just how I am. I’ve done this before and the fact that he acted one way and convinced me that he wanted me but then took me down. 

I don’t know if he wants me to fight…it doesn’t seem like it. But I could be wrong? 
I officially give up.

Oh well.

Ciao for now.  

I do believe that my sister forgets that even though she and I look a lot alike and that I’m going to the same college she did…we are not the same. 

Fine, you never dropped a class. I get it. But am I you? No. And at this point it wouldn’t be dropping a class it would just be making it disappear as though it never happened in the first place. 

I don’t know if I want to stay at LUC. I’m conflicted because they don’t have Meteorology. Im sorry if that’s disappointing that I wouldn’t be graduating from there, even though I want to. 

But it’s my life…we’re not the same and I need to make the decisions conducive to my life and future. 

I need to make the right decisions now while I still have the chance. 

Although, a 2yr trip to Europe is sounding better and better. 

Way better. Perhaps I’ll look into that. 

Life really hurts right now…it doesn’t matter how much I try I’m still a failure. 

I really wonder if I’ll ever get back up and start running…I wish college was easy. I wish I didn’t try so much just to get shot down again.

Why is it like this?

I have great friends, I ENJOY the classes, but I can’t take a test to save my fucking life. 

What the hell happened to my high school glory?

I give up. 

I no longer have any drive to succeed. 

forget this all.

I’m done. 

Going to die because of finals this time around…otherwise Adios to LUC. Dx 

I reallyyyy hate taking tests and all of my finals are difficult. Guess it’s time to crackdown on the studying and cry myself to sleep at night. 

</3 :p 

 <—-EXACTLY. 

I keep looking at Blackboard for an update on my semester grades. This semester, it’s been rough.

Sometimes I wonder how I could go from being a straight A, 4.0 student in high school…to a no “A” with 2 “C”s in college. I’m in shock at my “fall from grace”.

I don’t like to think I hit my stride in high school and now I will only perform at a mediocre level. That’s unacceptable.

But the sad thing is, is that this semester I just could not muster up the motivation to push myself harder. My Professors did not like my writing, I didn’t participate enough. I could make up so many excuses (some with validity) but I’ll just chalk it up to stress.

Did I have stress in high school? Sure! But I had my family there to encourage me and help me; here, I have been thrown in it alone. I’ve made fantastic friends here at Loyola, but I believe only my family can help me get around those moments where I can’t seem to find the light. Except after Nana died this summer, everyone has just been floating through life on their own, mortality staring us all in the face. The pain is still there, and we all want to avoid the conversation as to why we can’t motivate ourselves. But see? Another excuse. Nana would never want that from us.

Unfortunately as of late, I get so stressed that I lose sight of my goals and I lose my since of self. I get angry and become insufferable. I give up for hours and then go back to it to do it all again.

And even when I’ve done my best, it never seemed to be enough this semester. That just adds to my stress.

Therefore: NEXT SEMESTER IS GETTING ITS ASS KICKED!

It’ll happen. I’ll get my “stride” back, I’ll pick my ass up off the ground and take the world by storm. It will happen, I’ll make sure of it.

Peace, <3.

Trying to figure out what I should continuously blog about…I think I’m going to have way too much fun with this. Wooo!!

Pizza and movies tonight with my loveees. Fun for sure.

Be jealous. ;)

<3